1. Schrödinger's Pact

    Ty: look at this shit [url]

    Rickard: ugh, it's terrible!

    Ty: 5000 notes though

    Ty: I guess we're wrong!

    Ty: *gunshot*

    Rickard: aaah, I also wanna kill myself

    Rickard: but I don't own a gun!

    Ty: not even a pretend one?

    Rickard: I never picked one up

    Ty: how about a bottle of sleeping pills or something, got those?

    Rickard: not pretend ones

    Ty: well that stuff WAS pretty terrible

    Rickard: extreme measures then!

    Ty: nice knowing you

    Rickard: haha, how worried are you I'll actually down a bottle of pills right now?

    Ty: only slightly.

    1 month ago  /  25 notes  /  Source: drunkennovice

  2. Smart Equals Dick Squared

    Ty: I was taking a brain test on an app last night, just like for fun

    Rickard: hurry to tell your presumably lame story about how smart you are so I can say my thing

    Ty: Apparently I score high on "brain processing speed" (no other areas though).

    Rickard: So what does that say about MY processing speed, jumping to that realization before you could even verbalize it yourself

    Rickard: moral of the story; no matter how smart you are, I'm smarterer

    Ty: I was answering a phone call in between...

    Rickard: moral of the story; I'll always find a way to be smug

    Ty: That's the moral of every story with you

    1 month ago  /  31 notes  /  Source: drunkennovice

  3. Human Moment

    Rickard: my morning haze just lifted

    Rickard: and I just remembered

    Rickard: did you call me a good friend out of the blue this morning?

    Ty: I did

    Rickard: what were you, drunk again?

    Ty: ah come on, I don't drink that much

    Ty: I was trying to have a human moment with you

    Rickard: so no excuse, you're just like, super gay

    Ty: no, just a poor judge of character

    2 months ago  /  65 notes  /  Source: drunkennovice

  4. I made a video to make sure you’d all remember I’m going to be at PAX East! Watch and enjoy! Or.. WILL you?

    3 months ago  /  17 notes

  5. cubewatermelon:

    Yo, Ty Halley and I are getting to the heart of important issues over here

    3 months ago  /  119 notes  /  Source: cubewatermelon

  6. The Arguing

    Ty: I don't know why I bother arguing with people

    Ty: It never ends in my happiness

    Rickard: I never argue

    Rickard: If a person isn't smart enough to assume I'm always right I can't be bothered with them

    Ty: wait... that's not true! You argue all the time!

    Rickard: So I found this new anime

    Rickard: I think Ty would've liked it

    Rickard: if only he wasn't DEAD TO ME!

    4 months ago  /  97 notes  /  Source: drunkennovice

  7. Same Page?

    Ty: yeah. I really liked turning that phrase. but you're right, it just muddled the structure, had to kill that baby

    Rickard: good boy

    Rickard: I'm all about killing babies

    Ty: You're way better about killing babies than me

    Ty: I should take a page outta your baby killing book

    Rickard: the trick is to shake them really hard

    Ty: you...

    Rickard: wait...

    Ty: ever feel like you're on the same page as someone

    Ty: and then think

    Ty: you might not be?

    Rickard: um...

    Ty: look

    Ty: i'm talking about

    Ty: we'll say it at the same time..

    Ty: 3...2...1...

    Rickard: baby MURDER

    Ty: LITERAL babies

    Ty: OKAY! phew

    Rickard: PHEW!

    4 months ago  /  48 notes  /  Source: drunkennovice

  8. fenrirlives said: Have you used any of your Ty and Rickard conversations in twogag? Can you please do that at some point? It would be balls off the wall hilarious


    Not until today

    5 months ago  /  22 notes  /  Source: drunkennovice

  9. Ty: So NBC had some live Sound of Music production

    Ty: It just makes me realize how much better you can do this story when you have the luxury of any setting and multiple takes

    Ty: You know what? That movie was good

    Me: I have work at 7am but am wired and here you are talking about Sound of Music

    Ty: Yup

    Ty: I mean, don't you agree?

    Me: Yeah

    Ty: Yeaaah!

    Ty: Okay I'll let you sleep, but Sound of Music was a good movie

    Ty: Dream of it

    7 months ago  /  6 notes  /  Source: gravitationaltimothy

  10. queensalanderstark said: Can you give some advice for a person who dropped out of college, to follow her dream (I want to be a doctor.) But I failed the test I need to take to get in med school (in Brazil) more than 3 times. And today my Mom said to me that when other people ask her what I'm doing... she feels ashamed to say that i'm still studying to get in college. I mean, I'm still nothing. I'm feeling like shit, but I can't give up, but I have the feeling that no one believes that I'll be in med school someday. :/


    Nobody has ever been nothing.  We are all equally something and some of us are much luckier than others.  I was less lucky than I am now for over a quarter of my life, which is something like three quarters of my adult life - I’m not lucky enough to be good at math - my point is, I’ve felt like “nothing” for more waking hours on this planet than I’ve felt like anything.

    I’m as bad at giving advice to others as you are at passing that med school test.  But believe me, that’s all that test is measuring: your ability to pass it.  It is not measuring the type or quality of doctor you might one day be, and it is certainly not measuring your worth as a person.  If this is something you honestly want, I would bet you’re going to end up getting it.  Or, at the very least, being totally satisfied that you left no stone unturned.

    Your Mom is probably just expressing, in that frequently frustrating Mom way, that she’s worried she’s not being a good Mom.  She doesn’t want to see you fail, she doesn’t want you to have a bad life, because she’s measuring her abilities as a Mom by your outcomes, same as you’re measuring yourself by this med test.  I’m sure being a Mom is harder than being a doctor but I’m also sure the entrance exam was easier.  Moms can’t push a button and stop being Moms just because we’ve decided we’re grown up, and the things they say in an attempt to keep “raising” us can get under our skin.  But the biggest favor you can do yourself and your Mom (and everyone else) is to be confident about what you want.  To know why you want it.  Then you have honesty on your side.  Then anyone opposing you is opposing the truth, and that’s a bad side to be on in the long run.

    I don’t know you, I don’t know you’ll be a perfect doctor, or a doctor at all.  There are realities with which to contend.  But because reality is inescapable, it’s important that we make a choice, in our heads, to counterbalance reality with things that defy it.  Gravity is a reality, but humans fly.  The language we’re exchanging, the fillings in our teeth, the pavement on the road outside, everywhere you look, for better or for worse, you’re going to see evidence that accepting reality is not a human’s tendency, and not what we’re good at, and not, in my speculation, what God or Natural Selection hired us to do.  We’ve been hired, by this universe, to dream, to aspire, to make things that weren’t real real - and because that involves a lot of failure, we’re damn good at doing that, too.

    Without the benefit of details, I say stay the course.  I say keep failing.  Fall flat on your face, feel every scrape, roll in the dirt and scream in frustration.  Tell your mother you love her but the fact is, she either raised a doctor or she raised a girl that’s going to fail, spectacularly, at it, and in either case, she’s done her part.  Go fail that test a fourth time.  And get it on the fifth.  Or sixth.  Push this thing to the absolute limit, make them create a new law against your level of desire, make them arrest you for wanting to be a doctor, and when they let you out, run to fail the test again, so that when you’re slipping away from this reality, which could happen at any time, you’re not spending your last moments thinking anything but “well, I did my best.”  Also, watch Rick and Morty on Adult Swim in December.

    9 months ago  /  1,706 notes  /  Source: danharmon